Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Good News/Bad News

1. I have to eat lunch with my parents today...

The Good News: It's a weekday so the food is good. The main chef works Monday-Friday.

The Bad News: I will be there for an additional hour and a half... bummer.

2. A pastor from our church and his wife are joining us for lunch.

Good News: We will have our own table away from the lady at their regular table who knows everything, corrects everyone, has done almost everything, and has family members who have done the few things she hasn't done. (My father calls her DumDum... or YoYo... or sometimes YumYum... but thankfully not to her face.)

Bad News: Eating with my geriatric, bariatric, legally blind father is kind of embarrassing. (I am such a bad person... can't believe I told you that.)

It's a lot like eating with Mr. Creosote in Monty Python's Meaning of Life. Look at all those empty plates. Not sure my dad would ever decide to be done if we let him eat his fill... and that's kind of what his shirt looks like when he is done...)

WARNING: This clip is pretty disgusting...

3. I will sit between my parents at lunch.

The Good News: I can help my dad and my mom gets a break and gets to chat with their guests.
The Bad News: Both my parents can reach my food.

My mom can reach my plate... which isn't a big problem if I order the same entree as her... but usually I end up ordering the second option. This is the one that is not from the nursing home... I have an aversion to soft, unseasoned food.

I always choose the entree that their chef makes and if I let my guard down for a second, her finger and/or fork is poking and prodding its way around my plate. My dad is constantly asking what's on my plate and reaching for my fruit/dessert... or the bread plate... or the crumbs on the table that he can see just fine... how does that work? I sound like a bitter woman...

I guess this isn't all bad... because once the finger/fork/hand of either parent actually makes contact with my food, I am done eating... good weight loss plan.

So maybe I should go back to eating there more often... at least I might drop a few pounds... except for the fact that by the time I actually get home, it is wine o'clock. And then my day is shot. And my caloric intake is back up to normal...

But if someone gives me this glass for Christmas...
That "click to enlarge" thing doesn't really work...

 I would only have one glass... I promise.


  1. Love the glass. Hope you get one soon. You deserve it!