Thursday, March 7, 2013

Drivin' Me Crazy

It has been an interesting 24 hours... The Angsty Teen is done with her second trimester of high school today... and as of yesterday was done with half of her classes. She has finals in the remaining classes today.

However, at 2:48 yesterday... when the bell rang... she was officially able to go get her driver's permit... 

While this more-than-slightly scarred...oops, scared, more than likely... the living daylights out of me, I feigned enthusiasm and told her I would be at the school to pick her up right away so we could get down to the license bureau ASAP.

I used to live in a large metro area... and anytime you went in to renew your license or get new tabs for your car, the lines were long. The usual wait seemed to be about an hour.

When I first moved to Smalltown, USA, I remember planning to go get my license changed, open a checking account, and get a library card. I allowed 2 1/2 hours for these errands... I was back home in 25 minutes.

Long lines weren't really a thing then or now...  except on the day that the crazy, hormonal youths can get their permits.... I was trying to avoid the lines.
Yes, this is a long line... and half of those in lines are the parents!
 We were about fourth in line... and within a few minutes she had her permit.

She asked if she could drive home. The most logical answer to that is,  "Hell to the no."

I looked at the car...

  • The parking spot in front of my car was empty, so it would be easy to get out of. 
  • The car was aimed towards home.
  • We were only four blocks from our house. 
  • There was one stop sign between where we were and home.
  • There was a right turn.
  • There was a left turn.
  • The streets were pretty much empty... 
I'm not sure why the streets are empty... maybe the word was out that the crazy, hormonal youths of the town were starting to drive... 

The Angsty Teen, sensing my hesitation, asked again... and I caved...
She looks good in my Edge.
She did a fine enough job... considering she had never driven before... well, driven me crazy, driven me nuts, and driven me to drink... pretty sure those don't count.

Later yesterday afternoon I took the Angsty Teen and her Pleasant Friend out to drive. Her Pleasant Friend already had Behind the Wheel last summer... but hasn't driven since, because neither of the cars in her family have automatic transmissions. I thought having a calm, pleasant person along would be helpful.

Each girl drove around the school parking lots a few times... The Angsty Teen had to drive into the bank parking lot and turn around because she spazzed out and missed the turn to go around the school.

Then she got nervous and farted... The Pleasant Friend sweetly commented from the back seat, "Yep, that's yours alright." I guess they've been friends for a long, long time.

After that, the Angsty Teen accidentally turned on the windshield wipers when she flipped on the turn signal... that's when she panicked. (I had already panicked a few minutes earlier when I went to get out of the car and she took her foot off the brake... I believe the words, "Put the damn brake on." were spoken... either by me or the Pleasant Friend... It was probably me.) When she panicked, she stopped the car right on the road that goes around the school.

When the wiper did its loud wiping thing a few seconds later (it was now set on intermittent) she jumped so high, screamed so loudly, and laughed so hysterically... I thought she was going to lose it... maybe that was me... I thought I was going to lose it... but everything turned out fine... enough.

In summation:

  1. Both girls were able to drive a couple times each.
  2. My car survived.
  3. The Pleasant Friend has the #2 setting for my driver's seat... she was pretty excited about that.
  4. The Angsty Teen has been quite pleasant and helpful... clearly she knows that I'm really her only option in this endeavor.
When I got home from the driving experience... my neck and shoulders ached incredibly... maybe it's not healthy to clench every muscle in your body for that long a period of time. I have no desire to drink and drive... but I wish I could drink while the Angsty Teen drives... just kidding... sort of...

I do wish I could've scored some Xanax...

Obviously MARvelous


  1. Love your blog :)
    Thanks for the laugh.
    I am your newest follower.

  2. This cracked me up! :) my co-workers oldest son recently got his permit, so I've been hearing a lot about this subject lately!

  3. wow... could that be... a smile?!?
    Sending you xanax, asap!

  4. Congrats on surviving! My daughter is only 5 but I am already dreading the day (still a decade away) that she is behind the wheel.

    Hope you scored some Xanax! xoxoxx