Tuesday, April 23, 2013

A Wooden Leg Named Smith

The day that my parents moved to my town 2 1/2 years ago... another lady, we'll call her Tillie, moved into their building, too.

Tillie's son lives in our town with his drop-dead gorgeous, sweet, blond wife... (She is so gorgeous and pulled together with perfect hair and makeup every time I see her, I would love to hate her... but she is so genuinely sweet, that I can't...)

Anyway... when Tillie moved to town her daughter-in-law told us that Tillie was looking for a man. And she was dressing the part, too. Tillie has a nice assortment of mini-skirts from years gone by that she wore/wears with aplomb. She has the best legs for a a lady in her upper 80s.

When Tillie met the diabetic, geriatric, bariatric, blind guy, she said to my mom, "Is he with you?"  My mom replied, "Yes, that's my husband." Tillie said, "Do you want to share him?"

Actually, Tillie is pretty hard of hearing... so it was more like this:
"Is he with you?"  My slightly hard of hearing mom replied, "Yes, that's my husband." Tillie said, "Do you want to share him?"

In hindsight, my mom probably should've said yes... It would've been a lot less work for her...

Anyway, Tillie eventually found a boyfriend...  I thought he was mean and ornery. If there was ever a mean, dirty old man in that place, it was him... That's who she chose...

Well, there weren't really too many other men in the place to choose from, come to think of it... especially since my mom didn't want to share her man...

About a year ago Tillie's mean, ornery boyfriend, whom she thought was wonderful... because she couldn't hear half of what he said to her, had a blood clot in his leg... Now he is a one-legged man... and he had to move to the adjoining nursing home. Tillie goes to visit him every single day.

This always makes me think of the line from Mary Poppins about the man with the wooden leg named Smith... Anyway, I digress... (What's the name of his other leg?) Sorry.

Tillie was pretty devoted to her Man With the Wooden Leg Named Smith... although last week at my cooking class... she was sitting at a table and the new resident, a retired dentist, walked by... She took off in a sprint.

Well, maybe not a sprint... but she was following him as fast as she could go.
She ended up sitting right next to him. Tillie is as deaf as a doorpost. So, she couldn't hear what he said but she laughed and flirted with him while touching him on the arm. She definitely looked like she was making her move... I thought that maybe things were over with the one-legged man.

But today I heard... Wait. Play this song to get in the mood for.... The Rest of the Story:

Yep, that's right, I heard that Tillie, dear kind, sweet woman that she is, and her Man With the Wooden Leg Named Smith... got married... to the ornery, old coot... and that she is moving to the nursing home. I don't think true love could get me to do that...

What should I get them for a wedding present? Maybe... a "Do Not Disturb" sign?

Leslyn's Lovely Life


  1. Ummm, cute, hilarious and creepy - all at the same time. haha

  2. Good for Tillie! She knows what she wants and goes for it! (To each her own, right?)

  3. This must be the most hilarious thing to watch, ever.

  4. What a fun loving spirited old gal! I hope I'm as sprightly at that age - with slightly better hearing quality, mind you.

    ps.......got here via Tuesday Tunes. It was fun fitting the song to your story!