Wednesday, June 26, 2013

After Age 50

As much as I hate to admit it... I'm getting old.  Well, I knew that... but... I'm feeling old.

Somedays the aches I wake up with catch me off guard. Really? That body part hurts? That's new.

Not that I thought I wouldn't age... eventually... but... as time goes on... I realize that the time for getting old... is... um... now. Damn.

I've been getting mail from the AARP (American Association of Retired People) for a few months. (Hey... I'm not that old... yet.)
It was kind of funny when the Stern German started getting those letters about seven years ago... but... now? Not that funny.

Today I found an article online... and, no. AARP didn't email it to me.

It was entitled "22 Things You Should Never Do After 50"... and it was on the AARP website.

Before I even read the article... I started coming up with my own list...

Rollerblading? Skydiving? Riding a bike without a helmet? Eating a big, juicy steak? Bearing children?

Bearing children is definitely on my list of things NOT to do at my age...

Wonder what those folks at AARP think I shouldn't do...

Here's the link for the article. And, here's what they had to say:

1. Parkour. Pretty sure I can give that up... I don't even know what that is... 

2. JELL-O shots. Can't really give up JELL-O shots if I've never, ever had one, now... can I?
Guess my goal of things to do before I turn 51 is to actually make and try a JELL-O shot. And, Stephanie... from Bourbon & Glitter should probably show me how to do that.... Check this out.

3. Karaoke after midnight. I'm pretty much home well before midnight on any given night... no worries.

4. Karaoke after JELL-O shots. That actually sounds like fun... clearly, I should be walking away from that business.

5. Trying to break a plank with your head. I never wanted to try that even before I was 50...

6.  (Intentional) mud wrestling. Well, as fun as it sounds... um... no... it sounds awful... I don't think I would enjoy that... or the process of cleaning mud out of the crevices of my body... and since I'm a bit chubby, there are a lot of extra crevices.

7. Crowd surfing to the mosh pit. I haven't been to a lot of concerts... but crowd surfing never seemed all that appealing... Although it did look like fun at the end of Rat Race.

8. Joining the circus. Joining the ashram. The circus kind of scares me... Well, clowns kind of scare me... and the ashram? I don't know even what that is...

9. Drinking champagne from your son's girlfriend's shoe. Okay, well, I don't have a son... I do have a stepson... but he's married... he better not have a girlfriend.

10. Drinking champagne from your daughter's boyfriend's shoe. Who would think this was a good idea. Although a boy's shoe would hold a lot of champagne! Hey, Kati or Angsty Teen, any takers?

11. Drinking champagne from your own shoe. Why are these three things even on the list? Is this a real thing? Do people do this? Pretty sure my Keens wouldn't even hold champagne...

Well, that's enough for today. That's half of the list of "22 Things You Should Never Do After 50"...

I'll share the other eleven things with you another time.

What would you recommend I not do after the age of 50?

1 comment:

  1. Ok well you should never drink champagne from shoes. At any age.

    However, you WILL be doing a jello shot. It's my new life goal to make this happen. Both my parents did (numerous) jello shots that night, and they are both over 50. My dad is even over 70, so clearly the list is wrong! They're very easy to make, and you'll not-so-secretly love them.