Monday, July 29, 2013

Advice for That Guy

Monday is a big day around here. We get to see Kati! Oh, and she's bringing The Man...is that what she calls him on her blog?... The Boy?... The Dude... Hmmmm... I'll have to check on this with her...

Anyway, That Guy is coming along with her... but really? I'm really excited to see Kati...

Don't get me wrong... it will be nice to meet That Guy... But, there are a few things he might need to know before he arrives on the scene... Except, I don't think he's a reader of this fine blog... but I'm okay with that...
1. Don't comment on my hair.
I already know it looks like poop... apparently. Yesterday my geriatric mother asked me how I was planning on wearing my hair when I met this guy.. I said, "Like this." pointing to my ponytail. She looked devastated. Her shoulders visibly slumped and her head dropped in disappointment.

Even at age 50 you can disappoint your mom.

She then went on to ask me if I was going to wear a little makeup... Thanks, mom.

2. Don't approach the old dog...
It's that whole "Let sleeping dogs lie.." thing. He's testy, kind of ornery, and he might bite... or maybe that's the Stern German. Sometimes I get those two confused.
3. Don't use the upstairs bathroom. 
Well, That Guy may use the bathroom, but he should always sit down... this is a girl house and, for whatever reason, the toilet seat won't stay up... I don't want him crushing his ding dong... I'm not ready to hear a pastor swear.

4. Keep the dining room curtains closed...
This is very important. (We have a Neighbor Who Watches Us... 'nuff said.)

5. Don't leave dirty underwear on the bathroom floor... 
Wait, that's advice for the Angsty Teen... But, it would probably apply here as well...

6. Don't open any closed doors...
There's probably a reason why they're closed... junk piles... dead bodies... I've heard it both ways.

7. The Stern German adds: Don't tick off the cook.
Clearly, The Stern German's a pro at this... Not at the not doing this... but at the doing this. Do as he says, not as he does.

8. And The Stern German adds this one: Compliment the cook.
If we eat out, he should just compliment me on my choice of restaurant... or on my great hair. Wait... no.

9. Don't make the Angsty Teen cry... 
Well, actually, I don't care so much about that... just don't do anything that causes her to injure herself more. This is turning out to be the year of astronomical medical bills... and we're not done yet... dang.
10. Don't forget to laugh at my witty repartee. 
I'm kind of funny...

At the moment... that's all I've got.  Kati and That Guy are only going to be here about three hours... so all should go well... I mean... seriously, what's not to like about this family?

Wish us luck... but, most importantly, wish That Guy luck...

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