Wednesday, February 12, 2014

You Don't Need a Girlfriend

Last week I took my dad to the clinic. The person he doctors with thought that since my dad had been acting a little off… and not feeling all that great… and since his blood work/urinalysis came back fine… maybe the diabetic, geriatric, bariatric blind guy might have had a small stroke.

So… I took my dad in for a CT scan today. We drove to a town about 20 minutes away for his scan. 

(When you are traveling 20 minutes… getting a wheelchair… unloading the guy… getting him inside… parking the car… and racing back inside the hospital… that's a long time between bathrooms for a guy who has to pee every 20 minutes.)

Plus, before we left… he refused to go to the bathroom… "I don't have to go!" he angrily told my mom. Yeah, well… guess what? If you wait three minutes… that'll change...

We made it there and raced inside to the bathroom… and made it without incident. So, that was good… except there was an arse-wiping… so that's unfortunate...

We had some good… or... humorous conversation in the car.

These are the questions he asked me...

"Where are we going?"  "We're going to the hospital for an x-ray."

"Who are we going to see?" "We'll be seeing someone in radiology."

"What are they doing to me today?" "They are doing a CT scan of your head."

"What's a CT scan?" "It's an x-ray of your brain, kind of."

"Are they doing a scan of my brain to see if I still have any of it left?"

Okay, that was pretty funny.

On the drive back to his place we started talking about  a friend of his from a long, long time ago.  I went out with this guy's son in high school (ONCE) to a work Christmas dinner. 

The kid's name was Stan. My dad had always called him Stan the Man… and since about 1980 he has also called this guy Stepladder Stan… but that's another story.

Apparently, this friend of my dad's wife died a few years ago… and this is the conversation my dad and I had…

"I heard he has a girlfriend." "Really? When did his wife die?"

"I don't know exactly…. but, I think every guy needs a girlfriend." "I'm pretty sure you don't."

"Why not? He's older than I am!!!" my dad said indignantly.

My reply? "Well, I was kind of thinking you didn't need a girlfriend… BECAUSE YOU HAVE A WIFE!!!!"

"Oh, yeah…" he says sheepishly, "I forgot about her."

This is my life. This is why I drink. In fact, just writing this down has made me a little thirsty...


  1. I found you today from the Thirsty Thursday blog hop. I think these humorous moments keep us sane.

  2. hahahaha! "I forgot about her" I love it.

  3. OK, I found you on the Thirsty Thursday blog hop and so glad I did. I haven't laughed out loud like that in a long time. Hope your dad is OK. He sure is ornery.